Let It Whip

Today was good. Tonight will also be good. Lucy, Shalee, and scary movies. HAPPY HALLOWEEN

 

I felt slightly awkward, but it was okay. I love scary movies. And chicken. Mmmmm chicken. xD Gosh "I need to quit eating so much. Sigh. -shushing before I get a speech-

AWE :3 Tyrice opened up to me. Not to mention Joseph djnvjfsdhbvghfbggfgb. Po baby. His girlfriend of 2 years. Thank god I'm here cause I just don't know what people would do with all of their problems. Goodness knows they'd make all the wrong decisions and be plain miserable if I didn't show them there is so much more to life. Just kidding, I'm not that cocky. It is kind of true though. I really do think that's why I'm here. It makes me happy knowing I make other people happy. I just feel...so unhappy though. I'll get my turn eventually :3

Just Like My Mama

Welp, no Curry in Walmart. Oh well. Hahaha.

The more I talk to you, it's like I'm starting to like you. You're funny and..damn you're just hilarious. Except, that's probably because you're high all the time. Sigh. Not that that's a problem or anything. I mean, it's not like I'm sober all the time. Just most of the time these days. Bleh. Shushing. I have fun sober. Plus I'm 10x funnier because my mind is attentive enough to be witty. xD Anywho. I dunno. Not a big deal. You just make me smile. I like people who make me smile. That's all. I don't even like you. Just the fact you make me smile. There we go. I don't even like you..

I Want Some Curry

Hahahahahaha. ;)

So, the fact her blog was in your history and the possibility she may be talking about you in her recent posts make my statement go double; don't start that bs with me again. Don't even try. You don't love me. I doubt you ever did. I just want you to realize I've come to terms with myself and...everything is different. I'm fine seeing you in the hallway, giving you a hug, and walking off. That's as far as I care for things to go. I'll be damned if I'm anything other than #1 to someone.



It'd be cool if someone in this effin world liked me. -.- I ain't dat ugly SHEEEEYIT -__- I need a boyfriend. I wonder what's up with this peak of interest in black guys. I must be pregnant..something weird is going on. O.o xD

Since I'm an Awkward Little Fish

My dream catcher necklace makes me happy.

Devon was in our lunch wave. I hate how that disrupted my mood. Why should it? There wasn't a reason for those feelings. Irritating. I felt out of my body, getting up, and walking away the moment he came near my table. I can be so ridiculous sometimes.

Seeing both of them in the same lunch wave made me feel weird. I realized I never paid attention to him until he messaged me. He didn't even say anything, so why am I tripping? Leave it to me to over analyze everything. I'm gonna go back to not having a single thought about him. That means I should probably quit checking to see if he's looking at me in French. I shouldn't feel.. as worried as I am. He, on the other hand is just :3 I just sold myself out. I usually can't talk to a guy as a friend without developing some sort of thing for him. Such a flirt. Always a flirt. Never a girlfriend. Hate that. Can't do that. Makes me nervous. Ehh, anywho. I sold myself out. I hope I don't make him feel awkward. -.- I'm such a stupid ass. I was just curious as to what he may say back and regretted it the moment afterwards.

Good Karma for Errrrbody

Just because I love this picture. My nails look sexy. Anywho

I should really be reading the Great Gatsby -_- I don't want to. I'm so lazy. It's due Thursday. I need to finish the chapters and then do responses tomorrow. Effin a.

I had a totally amazing day today. It was very enjoyable, peaceful, and as usual hilarious. Due to my high altitude, I was totally over analyzing 2nd period. Does he always talk to me that much? Should I listen to every word he says? Will he be hurt if I ignore him? Ahhh, wuuut do I do?! I couldn't remember what his teeth looked like. I always picture people's teeth first. That's how I identify who they are. Whatta creeper... anyways.

Finally back

I had an amazing weekend. I love Colorado. So much. My mom's considering going there instead of California. I think I'd like it better. Considering how low key and simple I am. I think California would be too busy for me. Plus the marijuana laws are more stable. It's actually written into their constitution as a right. I had the most informative/amazing chat with the owner of an herb shop. I know that's what I really want to do in life. I would love to incorporate marijuana, art, writing, helping others, and all of my other interest into one. Even baking. I'd have to create a website, decorate my shop, write up all sorts of stuff, and of course spread love with the wonderful thing that is marijuana and do it LEGALLY. It's my dream. Goodness I can't wait for another teacher to ask me what I want to be when I grow up. Oh my goodness and I have family up there that loves me and changed my diapers as a child. I have history embedded in those people. Plus Colorado itself. It's such a beautiful place. No matter where you go you're surrounded by mountains. Beautiful, glorious, majestic mountains. To be at the very top is just a privilege. I don't even care about Cali anymore. Especially after hearing how fucked up their marijuana system is. It's total chaos. nfjdhsfdshgbsdhb

I could live in a loft above a store in the art district, go up to Pike's peak, and the Garden of the Gods whenever I want. I could retire and travel around the world after that too. I'm getting all excited.

So, this black guy thing going on is pretty crazy. They're so amazing. I mean, the two have totally gave me a different perspective. They're not all ghetto and ignorant. kndfjkdnfdnfjd I really like knfdsfn and dknf. Except, I just like them. Universal attraction will side with me and give me my soccer player... oh no, or do I want the deep intellectual one. Maybe universal attraction will make one of them come after me. Yeahh, that's what's going to go down. Lord knows I need a love life. Goodness gracious.

ROLL TIDE ROLL

I am absolutely loving this place. <3 One day I'm going to move to Colorado.

I Have No Life

All I do is yearbook (verb), eat, smoke, watch movies, and sleep.

I've got to occupy myself. I need a boyfriend..lover. There we go. Lover. I have zilch love life. Yet, I can say it is rather peaceful and drama free. I like that. Simple. No bullshit. Weak women need men to survive. Plus when you're ugly and all, you just learn to deal with it, hahaha.

Well, I'm done yearbooking. Time to go eat, watch a movie, and sleep since I have nothing to smoke.

Someone needs to get laid.

I Declare Today My Birthday

Today was nice and lovely. I'm happy. No homework or anything. I've just been doing my Yearbook pages and that always makes my day super better. I don't know, it's just something I'm really passionate about. It's just all of my creative interests rolled into one and making something for everyone to..just :3 It makes my day better. I love designing, and photographing, and stories and just dsbgfdsbhgbfgbb. I am in such a great mood.

I even got to see my Beanie. I feel like...roses. O.o

And I found it strange that not a single star made itself visible on my special day, despite how they've been shining ever so brightly and clearly as of late.

Bon Anniversaire

Fuck school. I hate it. I hate homework, I hate PreCal, I hate reading for English, I hate doing Spanish vocab, I hate FUCKING HISTORY, I just hate it all. To hell with school. To hell with it I say!

I'm done ranting now. :) I had a really good birthday. Hey, father, since you like to Google me and read my blog, I just wanted to know why you didn't call and say 'Happy Birthday'. You're just like my ex, you read all up in my business even though you could give a shit less about me.Cheating, lying males are all the same.

I apologize for saying that. I'm in a pissy mood because of all the homework and lack of concentration I had to complete it all with. I didn't sleep like I intended to, but it was all fine. :) It would've been great if Jeramie could've brought me my drugs and all but it's cool so what the fuck ever. UGH. Did I mention I hate school? I HATE FRIKKIN TUESDAYS

I had a great day. I had a great day. I had a great day. I blame this on her. I bet she prayed I would have a terrible day really hard. Well, you know what? There is no god. I had an amazingly amazing day. Just kidding about the no god thing. Believe what you will. :) I actually was in a terrific mood today though. :)

Jack London :)

"I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze 
than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time"

Drunken Battle Scars

I feel like poop today. My birthday's tomorrow. To be honest, I actually don't give a rat's hiney. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm going to do for it tomorrow and my reply is, "Go the fuck to sleep." I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday. I haven't been depressed a lot lately or anything, I just feel exhausted and I don't really wanna be bothered by anyone. I just wanna stay home locked in my room, on the internet, watching movies, and dreaming. It sounds peaceful. I mean, I already did my birthday partying this weekend with Sabrina anyways. Then this weekend coming up I'm flying to Colorado with my mom, so there's that. Morgan's taking me to school tomorrow and she's gonna buy me breakfast if we have time :3 I'll end up doing something with my Lucy later this week, too. Maybe find some way to do something with Nicole sooner or later. Hopefully. Uhh, I think that covers everyone.

It's weird that I still get nervous when I see Devon. It's the most random feeling.

I misplaced my purse so it's somewhere at school right now. Sigh. I hope it's in the yearbook room. I didn't even remember to get my pre-calc book so I could do my homework tonight. Fuhhh.

Hmm, I wish I had someone to dedicate the sweet, loving lyrics I adore to. I wish I had someone to make me smile. I wish there was someone worth liking being with in this miserable little shit hole. Too bad almost everyone is too shallow, caught up in themselves and all their idiotic dramas, baby mamas, cheating, lying and everything else void of the actual sustenance I give a crap about in a person these days. I doubt California will be any better. I hope so. Sigh. If there isn't I'm giving up on the whole human..well Tyrice has the personality I'm looking for, so maybe the world isn't completely hopeless. Oh, great, now it sounds like I like Tyrice. I forgot what I was going on about now, not even important.  

Blackin' Out Like a Pro

Ahahahaha, oh my goodness. Last night. I wish I could remember everything.

I do know that I had a very interesting conversation with some lesbians and determined that I am one now. xD No, no, hahaha. I'm going to get me a' lesbo.' (A guy that likes to eat out. So much he's just like a lesbian with a penis). I feel so well informed and up to date on all lesbian terms. Hahahaha. Too funny. I would so date a dyke. They're just...sexier than real men, I can't even.

I wish I knew what happened with Kaser. xD Hahahaha.

Dammit. I don't even think it matters. Shit. Fuck it. :)

Pisces
Taurus
Aquarius

Greatest tattoo idea ever.

Valdosta

I had a really great day today, spiritually. I figured out a lot of things and made some resolutions in my mind. It's now obvious that there is nothing my Uncle loved more than family. He was always there for anyone and everyone and always trying to do the right thing. He is the first adult/relative I've ever really felt comfortable enough to open up to. It finally hit me yesterday that he's really gone. I don't think I'm gonna mourn, but instead I'll let it help me grow. A person needs family, and I think I should be getting more close to mine. I'm not sure I'm a loner by nature or if I am by force of habit, either way, I need to fix that when it comes to them. White and black side. I really wanna get my last name changed to Buckhanon now.

I love you Uncle Lil' Man. <3

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Review my wishes
For fair weather
'Cause I know if the clouds with rains or snows
You wont be there
How weak is that?
Wish I was worth it
To you

Little Hell

I'm lost on a road
And there's no one to talk to
There's nowhere to run to
I'm going in circles
I'm talking to myself
Got me blazing this purple


Mehh, I was kinda mernt today. I wanted to stay home and smoke with Foofy but noooooooo, I got dragged out to Josh's house and ended up spending my whole day there. It's whatever though. We watched movies. It was a pretty chill day. I wish I had been home because my lovely neighbor was nice enough to offer to share his blunt with me, but you know, whatever. -_-


Lol, Sabrina and I walked all the way to Piggly Wiggly this morning and ended up getting cheesecake. That was so effin delicious. Oh my goodness. It's still in my freezer. Heck yeah!


9 more days to my birthday. Then we'll be off to Colorado. This nigga done canceled on my tattoo again. It's got to happen. I want a tattoo so bad. Now she's talking about maybe when we move. What do I look like? I'm excited to move to California now. I wish I could take Ethan with me. -.- I would cuddle the mess out of him every night. Every. Effin. Night. Swear, if I ever see him again later on in life  he will be mine. -___- Ahem, sorry for my creeper mode. I'm hush.

The more you, put me through,
The more it makes me wanna come back to you,
You say you hate me, I just love you more,
You don't want me, I just want you more,
I buy you flowers, you throw 'em at me,
I know it's sad but it's making me happy,
The more that you slap me, the more that it turns me on,
Cause you love me, and I love you more.

Since You Quit Playing WOW

Does he know who you are?
Does he laugh, just to know
what he has?

Does he know not to talk
about your dad?
Does he know when you're sad,

You don't like to be touched,
Let alone kissed?

Does he know where your lips begin?

Do you know who you are?
Do you laugh, just to think
what I lack?

Do you know your lip shakes
when you're mad?
And do you notice when you're sad

You don't like to be touched,
Let alone kissed?

Does his love make your head spin?

I know you so much more.
I love this song.

I Want Someone To Care

WHO THE FUCK IN RUSSIA IS READING THIS?! Damn Russians.

I feel like Nicole.

I just want someone to lay beside me all night and cuddle with me. I just want someone's arms around me. Someone that won't let go. I want to feel like I'm part of something. Something full of love, care, and... I'm just not getting that right now.

Thanks for stopping by last night. You don't read this, but it meant something. Maybe if you could've stayed and not just stopped by while you were getting sugar... I really want you to come stay the night. Not for sex. To keep me company. That's all. I hate being so lonely.

And teacher
There are things
That I don't want to learn
Oh the last one I had
Made me cry
So I don't want to learn to
Hold you, touch you
Think that you're mine
Because it ain't no joy
For an uptown boy girl
Whose teacher has told him her goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
So when you say that you need me
That you'll never leave me
I know you're wrong, you're not that strong
Let me go

Boo Russia, Leave Me Alone

I'm just in a terrible mood today. Sigh. Maybe it's just because I'm sexually frustrated, haha.

Love of mine,
Won't you lay by my side,
And rest your weary eyes,
Before we're out of time,
Give me one last kiss,
For soon, such distance,
Will stretch between our lips,
Now the day's losing light.

                       

-The thought of her makes me even more angry every time she's brought up.
-I'm jealous of her and I don't know why.
-I wish my neighbor would just bring me my damn loud already.
-I'm agitated as mess.
-I hate people.
-Everything is pretty much pissing me off right now.
-I need to chill the fuck out.
-Sigh. I'm so irritable today. My period just went off. Seems a little backwards.
-I'm scared to move but I just wanna leave all of this behind.
-I want someone to myself.
-Yeah, I think I'm tired of all the bullshit and loneliness, a relationship would be nice.
-Ethan stays frikkin sexy. ANYWHO.
-I'm not like every other asshole in the world and I know not to give myself to someone halfheartedly.
-I'm fat. Just yuck mother freckin gross nasty over the top obese mother jbfjdbjsdbcvbfuckdjfbdf
-My grades are shit.
-I would like to cry.

Rollin' Like My Mama

And I wish to feel smaller under your hands,
though you seem satisfied as you slip mine
down your pants.
And I’m thinkin’ about how you care half as much for me
While you lift up my shirt after asking politely.

And I guess it doesn’t matter what I am or pretend to be
Cause it’s her you’ll always love and it’s her I’ll always envy.
I want to end this now so dreams of you won’t keep me up.
But I swear I’m gonna cry.
I’m sick of tryin’ to be tough.

I don't know what comes over me.
"I just know how you really feel about him. And I know how he really feels about you. And I know how you two get when you're alone together." -Mallory and our romance novel moment.

Today was okay. You entered the picture and sigh...I just don't like seeing you like this. It's distasteful. Where's your dignity? Where's your self respect? Seems she's ruining you more and more everyday. Soon you'll be nothing.

Jay and Silent Bob

Well, today was certainly interesting. Hahaha, super hilarious. Mallory, Sabrina, and I all sat outside with my next door neighbor for a while. Hahaha, I let this stranger in my house so he could get meat out of my fridge and grill that shit. I had this nigga grillin' me shit and I don't even know his name. Oh! Tony! Yeah. It was pretty funny. One of those stories no one believes when you tell them and when they realize it is, they're like wtf bro.

My closest uncle died today. RIP Uncle Little Man. I love you, camel dick self. :') Nothin but love for ya, brother.

I want some ice cream. I want you too. I'm so terrible. Come stay.

Dear Lover, If Only I Had You to Hold Forever

You could have the sun

You could have the water

This I'd give to you

You could be the moon

You could be the harbor

I arrive to

You could come over uninvited

You said I'm the one

The one to hold you

Does that go for others too

No surprise 

Yesterday around 4 AM

I thought about you

for a minute or two

I know it's no good

I feel so lonely

Sleeping without you

How come your arms are not around me

I said I'm the one

the one to hold you

But I guess she said that too

No surprise

Mrs. Birthday

You're like an old perfume
That brings back memories
That old, forgotten tune
That I now recall

I've been wrongly turned away
You say you're meant for someone other
Than this contented pearl

Floating at the shoreline
The water's dark and cool
Under the shadow of a girl

I wish I could have said
All that was in my head
Now darlin', you will never know
That I loved you so

I lied. I just felt ugly and confused and I always feel bad saying 'No,' so I just lied. Kinda. My friend will quit riding the bus..just when soccer season starts. Which is a long time from now.. I guess I shouldn't feel that bad. Not like you haven't lied to me about more extremely important things before. Hmph. Teeheehee, wub you. :3 <3 <3

Mom leaves Wednesday. PARTAY IN THE HIZOUSE. Just kidding, I despise other life forms and have no wish of having anyone over.. unless it's for sex ;) Lolololololol. I amuse myself. Such a kidder. Ah freak, I'm gonna be watching scary movies all alone in my D8 OH HELLZ NAW. Someone best be coming over! Eff that mess. I'm not getting killed by a vampire by myself. Hmph.

Actually, madame

I figured you worked in the Macon road. I didn't even think about the slight possibility you would be in there. I rarely think about you and when I do it's because I feel bad you're always so damn sad and how I would love to be there for you but it's better to not even try. Bitches be trippin'. You always make me out to look like the big bully of the west. Jeez.

Siiiigh. Period came on. Yay. Anyways, I don't even wanna go into UGH.

I wish you didn't just expect me to care about you and all of your needs and to listen intently and be there at your every beck and call and give you all the attention you want and to stay around while you drop me once everything gets better until you need a place holder once again just so you can feel wanted and UGH NEVER EFFING BE THERE WHEN I WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO eff you and eff your hypocrisy and eff your effed up perception of the world because you effing know what?! It doesn't effing revolve around you. Stupid hormones making my thoughts amplified. I just want you and not the bullshit you I get.


Come close,
Lay next to me

Come close,
Lay next to me
I need to tell you something important

Stay close,
Lay next to me
I need to feel important

Because it's your eyes that I don't believe
And my heart, you will, you will mislead
Do you know the consequence that comes with having such confidence?

Holding all the weight in my life
Then you turn and walk away from me

So what is this now, you ask of me?
What's makes your pain such an urgency?
Now I want out, so plain to see
Once again my dear, a brand new tragedy

Whatta Cute Kid

Just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon
And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken its place

Lonely. Lonely. Lonely. Alone. All alone. Forever alone. Just alone in a sea of people. Drowning. Drowning.

Or I was. But Lucy's here now :)