No More Food

Nervous. Giddy. Excited. I guess once you sober up for a bit, it gives things a chance to become good on their own. Except... I'm not too much one for staying sober. I will when he comes though. fuhdfuiudfh I'm such a dork

Hands Down Dopest Dope

Okay, I'm a nervous wreck and I don't even know why. Dylan. As always, it's not like that and I'm all dsgfvbfgvhdsbgfjhbdsgvbfjbgvjsbfgvjhfv. He's so cute I'm just shushing. I just wanna spend every day of summer with him and be happy. But it has nothing to do with him. Dammit. Maybe it does. That smile and that voice and I have had this insignificant crush on him since before he dated Haley, but now that he's acknowledging me... it's a little harder not to pay attention to it.  I'm just weird. Ugh. My life. -face palm- I'm so paranoid with all these freaks reading my blog. I'm not sure why I feel like he's gonna see this aaaaahhh. Done.

Lol, No You Don't

“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.”

—	~Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

420 Things To Do While Stoned

77. Get married (Scientific studies prove that cannabis couples have more fun, stay together longer, and always finish their slices of wedding cake.)


I wonder if you're like me. When you try not to show your feelings, you say something absent of feeling. Something that makes you come off as a douche. Hahaha. A girl can dream, can't she?


Brownie time

Et Maintenant

It's kind of awkward to think you love someone, that you know you can't. I mean... because it's not possible. One of these days I just want to have a lasting conversation with you. I feel like you're not going to write me. I hope you do. I hope it's heartfelt. I hope it is everything it won't be. Meep. Duuuuude

Rabbit Scat

Bear with me and my level of creepiness, but c'mon:
you
me
London
soccer in the park on weekends
cuddling in bed, writing next to each other at night

Sounds decent to me xD Yeah, ok. I was kidding but now I'm crying. Shut up

Remember Jerkin

I miss you. I guess. I don't know. I twisted the stem of my apple until it broke off. It landed on E. Yeah.


Somehow that means something

Lies>Loneliness?

Stupid anxiety. I wish I could eat. No I don't. The whole time I'm eating, I'm all "Fat ass. Stop."

Discusting...

Lol wut. When people are stupid, it makes their whole argument invalid. Especially which they contradict half of the things they've already said to you.

*You're

Jeez. I deleted the truth and she's still trying to push my buttons as if I didn't do something nice for her. How ungrateful. Damn. But like I told him, I won't say anything else. He'll do my job for me. He's already moving into his old habits. Lying about little things. Funny, how I "texted him to ask for my yearbook" when in fact Shellhouse has it. Funny how... shutting the fuck up. Sorry if I can't wait for him to break you into pieces. Letting it happen is revenge enough -__- He's gonna break up with her whenever summer ends anyway. Hell. Not my problem. 
On another note: My social studies teacher is so sexy. Playing basketball today. He was so cute with his pale legs. I hate that he's so short. Otherwise, come October 18, I woulda walked into that room and been like "Ayy baby, holla atcha guh. I'm legal now." xD Also, I would absolutely love not to take my final in precalc. I have a 53 in there and me flunking the final isn't going to help anybody. It's 4:20. Poop. Anyways, we have no school tomorrow because it's their graduation. Thank goodness. I dunno when my Devil's graduate. I wonder what would happen if I skipped out on my graduation here, next year, to watch everyone graduate there.

Sometimes I hate this place. But, I'd feel the same no matter where I went. It's just me. At least I'm strong enough to deal with it by myself instead of sinking to the bottom and begging  jkgnfjnhgkjfbgjkfbgkjfb Jeordin stop.

Lyin', cheatin', hurtin, that's all you seem to do. 
Your time is gonna come.

YES. She didn't see the truth

I can be such an asshole when I'm cranky. Poop. Bad jeo. Sorry foof

Homegirl was trippin. I'm iight now ;)

My Lesbian Rampage

Failed another test in precalc. Just wonderful. Simply wonderful. This lack of perfection, this failure, is excruciating and depressing. Failing a class is almost the end of the world to me. I just have to keep reminding myself I'm going to take an easy math next year a transfer that onto my transcript for college. So I have nothing to worry about.
I'm not sure if Shellhouse has sent my yearbook yet, but I'm hoping Ethan and Ben got to sign it. More specifically, Ethan. In a literal sense, it's just a book. Metaphorically, it's the only thing I have to tie me back to what was. My adolescent life is engraved into that book and woven throughout its binding. Everyone that I was once connected to is in that book. Old flames, friends, foes are all included there. The signatures are even more important because, whereas the pictures are all still and lifeless, placed accordingly by the yearbook staff, the words are direct and sincere. Well, the ones I care about should be. Some tiny little part of me just hopes he signed something sincere that I can cherish and jfnhdnhgfwrhgruwhgrhgurh;euhe;h

I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING I'M JUST DONE. It's not worth it, it's silly, and full of pathetic school girl fantasies that are both irrelevant and insignificant.
I'm just gonna go get high because I'm tired of this. I'm depressed, lonely, irritated, stressed beyond all belief. I don't have anyone to hug when I feel like this. I can't just fucking go out with my friends and forget about everything because I have none. Everything I have ever come to love, hate, and feel any emotion for was ripped from me and now has absolutely no meaning. It could have meaning, but why the fuck should I let it? I can never change or have any of that back. Not Ethan not Sabrina not Jessica not Morgan not Mrs. Byrd not our amazing football team not RDTV not Lacey not Lena not Gallery not downtown nothing fucking nothing. WHY AM I SUCH A HYPOCRITE "I wanna go some place where no one knows my name or my history" FUCK YOU JEORDIN. Thanks for ruining my life, you dumb cunt. Because not everything you wish for actually happens, right? Fucking idiot.

I hate periods and stress and sobriety. They can all go to hell

Chicken Nuggets, Really?

I'm over reacting and I just need to go to sleep before I start crying. Ok.

I'm going to send you telepathic messages and you're going to text me tomorrow because I need to feel like you won't forget me.

alone alone alone

It's so many miles and so long since I've met you
Don't even know what I'll say when I get to you
But suddenly now I know where I belong
It's many hundred miles and it won't be long

What will I do if there's someone there with you?
Maybe someone you've always known
How do I know I can come and give to you?
Love with no warning and find you alone

Sometimes I Wish for Things

Hmm, nothing new. Nothing old. Nothing to come. Hakuna matata.