Stupid Boy

I always get to that point where I've finally stopped thinking about you, then I think "Oh, I haven't thought about him in a few days," and there I am again. Write my letter already. Blah.

You're Not Worth It

I can't wait for those two to break up. My poor baby. I hate that controlling fucktard.

I'm so glad you texted me. But at the same time, it feels like my heart has been stretched into a million gazillion pieces. Ha, a thousand miles a part, in fact. I hate that I wasn't at senior portraits. I hate that I didn't get to dress you before you took your formals. Every year I'm like "I claim him and him and him." If I was there, I'm pretty sure I would have dressed you and laughed with you and joked around about how sexy you looked and I know you would have asked me if your hair looked okay and no matter how cute, I'd still run my fingers through it and say "Ahh, there you go." Then I would smile that one smile that shows when I'm trying not to show how much i like someone but it ends up happening anyways. Then I would get all embarrassed. Not to mention my hands would have been shaking the whole time I put on that stupid shirt. Ugh. Stupid bitch thinks I could give two squirts of piss about yucky but no, you're the only person I can think about. Write my letter already. Ok, ok. Freakin a

Whenever I get pregnant, I'm going to go live in a nudist colony. -Note to self

ED

I just need to be loooooooooooooooooooooved.

Mr. Tambourine Man

"If you want to be sad, live in the past. If you want to be anxious, live in the future. If you want to be happy, live in the now."

It sounds so simple. Just live in the moment and be. I can't though. My mind constantly wanders off to what was and what will be. Usually, the future. It's almost that time in my life when I have to start considering colleges and what I want to do with my life. There's just so much and I'm not sure how to narrow down my interests. Blah. :/ I really didn't have anything to say. I just felt like blogging. It'd be cool if Ethan called me again. Poop

Meet Me in London, 7 Years from Now

I have my phone. I have my Nicole. Omg, dying already. Yay

I Tried For You

I tried to give you a way out and you didn't take it. How can you let someone do this to you? I wanted to stop it and you wouldn't let me. You turned on me and made me the bad person. I knew you were too vulnerable to have your life fucked over again. Look at yourself. Begging for something you don't need. Something far below you. Lonely people do desperate things and it's time you come to reality and accept that. Fucking teenage girls. I sit and watch all my friends try to rush or stay in relationships because they don't want to be alone. Bunch of fucking idiots and I can't tell them what I see. I can't tell them the truth because when you do that, you always end up the bad person. It hurts to watch somebody learn a lesson you could have prevented. Too bad nobody wants to listen. Too bad people think they know more than they do. Lucky for me, I have the ability to understand. To know, to comprehend, to plan and solve. My most treasured assets to life. Too bad I'm practically as bad as them.

Shoo Fly, Don't Bother Me

You're the only guy younger than me that I would ever consider... ha, even thinking about. Siiiiiiiiigh. I miss being around you, acting like you had no effect on me. Anyways, I don't care. Whatever.

callmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallme
please

Since 8th grade

My heart hast beat for thou.
I mean, I have liked you through everything. Absolutely everything. Some part of me sees you and can't help but to smile and dream about being yours. I'll admit, when you called me I... really had no clue what to do. I started shaking and squealing and it was utterly ridiculous. I freaked out. I really did. Arrogant douche, yes I was nervous. I didn't even get to bed after that. I stayed up until 5 here. Every hour, every minute I laid back and heard your words. I replayed and analyzed and tried extremely hard not to. I may not have admitted it, but I know you know how I feel about you. C'mon, how could you not? You just can't go and talk about your sex life to me. You shouldn't even have one. Lol, I think my period is gonna come on soon. There's no way I'm gonna cry over something that doesn't belong to me. I thought it was funny. Actually, the part of me that wasn't crawling into a hole thought it was funny. Wanna know why? Because all I got out of that was "I thought about you while I was with her." WHY?! Can't your mind think of something or someone else when you see Iron Man? That should be my memory not newnf edbfefeedfked. Hmpf. I already hate it, and now you wanna add to it. Now I will never be able to enjoy Robert Downey Jr. in his greatest super hero movie. Poop. I wonder if you felt that way all those times you'd ask me if I slept with whoever and I'd say yeah. Probably not. Anyhow, I stumbled, fumbled, and pretty much made a blabbering baboon out of myself. I always do that when I'm on the phone with someone, but you aren't just someone. I'm so embarrassed. When I embarrass myself, I tend to dwell upon it. Which is what I'm doing now. I want to talk to you again. Buh. Make less a fool of myself. Doubt it. I don't care, as long as I get to see your name pop up on my phone. I hope it does...

I hate the part of me that feels this way. It's bothersome. When I see you, I'll weigh a shit ton less. That way we can fool around and I won't be insecure with the guy I've always wanted to be with. xD Jk, I'll probably start to hyperventilate the next time I see you. Sex is def outta the equation. I'd start sobbing like a baby during or something. Why am I even. Done

Mama Was a Rolling Stone

All I've been able to think about is food, how much I take in, how little I take in, how many calories I burn, my weight, am I too fat, am I less fat. Collar bones, hip bones, back fat, thigh fat, all over my body fat. I don't mind it so much. I'm not cruel to myself over it like before. Plus, I get higher this way... I love hiking to burn cals. It's just really cool up on that mountainous hill. All those pretty waxen cactus flowers. <3 I love them so much. We saw 2 deer and 2 jack rabbits yesterday. My little brother was so excited, it was adorable. Those shoes were too small and I was dying, though. So it kinda sucked ass a little. Whatever. This little boy needs to hurry with my McDouble. Srsly. I'm not hiking today, and it's almost 3 and that's when I get to eat for the first time all day and I'm freaking out right now. I want some eggs. I'm gonna eat the burger regardless but fefnewff. 390. 140+50 cause I'll probably make an omelet if I do get eggs and that's 580 already and I won't be able to eat the rest of the day but I wa THERE HE IS! Yay. Omelet for dinner later. :3

12 x 35 = 420

I'm so proud of myself for staying on track. I don't even get the munchies anymore. It's like my body is... awesome. I like hiking. It's so beautiful.
1 hour, 500+ gone
2 hours, 1,000+ gone

My mind is wrapped around this now. I'm gonna go give myself a reward. Screw everything else xD

How Much Do I Weigh

I wish I had a scale. I dunno why I let myself get like this.

Where'd My Collarbones Go

Ask me for my number. Do it. Buh