Karma;

I feel like I've gotten to a point in my life, where I'm happy how I am. I feel like I've grown and matured and that I'm aware of all I need to be aware of. I feel like there is no need for me to change. As if, I won't change from who I am right now. I know I will though and I'm sort of curious. I want to know what I'll be like in the future. I want to know what I'll be like in Colorado and the things that will happen there. I'm curious about the next few months and everything that will happen before I move. I'm not necessarily scared or nervous and dreading anything. I'm not excited or ready either. I don't have much of a stand on it. I don't really care that much. What am I saying? I don't know. I'm just.. curious.

I've been in bed the last few days. Damn wisdom teeth. I don't think I'm going anywhere for New Year's. It's not really that bad to me. Hopefully, I have a lot of New Year's ahead of me and this one isn't expected to be important. To be honest, every holiday is pretty much.. just another day to me. Guess that's what I get for not being Christian. Fine with me. I can do the right thing because I want to rather than having to in order not to go to hell.  

I really like the way he's been lately. He has made sure to talk to me everyday and it just makes me feel like he's starting to warm up to me or something. I kind of want things to escalate. More emotionally than physically. -____- He hasn't even mentioned anything like that lately. I can see him making me happy just like I used to be. Not Tyler, jsyk, since I have a picture of him up there and all. So don't go psycho ex girlfriend (Courtney), or over protective I can't believe you're doing this again mom-like friend (Jessica). I don't think any part of me could ever see him as anything more than a past experience anyway. But yeah. <3 JW

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

From my family to yours. <3

Re:

"No I don’t take it personally, whatever you think whatever you feel I know is your problem and not my problem. It is the way you see the world. It is nothing personal because you are dealing with yourself, not me. Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them. 

You may even tell me “Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me,” but it is not what I am saying that is hurting you, it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You have hurt yourself. There is no way I can take this personally. Not because I don’t believe in you, or don’t trust you, but because I know you see the world with different eyes, with your eyes. You create an entire picture of movie in your mind, and in that picture you are the director, you are the producer and you are the main actor or actress. Everyone else is a secondary act or actress. IT is your movie.

The way you see that movie is according to the agreements you have made with life. Your point of view is something personal to you. It is no one’s truth but yours. Then if you get mad at me I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad. And you get mad because you are afraid because you are dealing with fear. If you are not afraid there is no way you will get mad at me. If you are not afraid there is no way you can get jealous or sad."

Ahh, I love this book. Makes life easier on me. :)

You Gotta Cough to Get Off

Hahaha, I'm watching Wilfred and I couldn't be happier. <3

Baby, Don't Worry

Girls these days are desperate creatures. They can't go a week without being with someone new. Ha. Pathetic. No offense to you. It sucks being alone and it's torture being lonely, but it's ridiculous how weak some of these females are. I love myself. I love being independent. So what if I don't have someone to cuddle with every night? So what if I'm not having sex with someone everyday? (Sluts with boyfriends kill me. The type of girl that thinks she's better than others because she only has sex in relationships, but has sex with all of her boyfriends within a week of dating each.) I don't mind not being someone who's madly in love with anyone that doesn't kill their self after listening to me bitch about my miserable life all the time. I don't mind not lying to myself, saying I'm happy and that I've never been so happy in my life, then with someone I barely know. You don't know him. You never will. You know as much about him as you do about yourself. How can you know anything about yourself when you pretend you're something you're not and feel things that you're not feeling? Be real with yourself. You're only happy because you're not alone with yourself. He makes you happy because he keeps you away from yourself and when he's not around you hate him because he's leaving you with the piece of shit you hate so much. Yourself. It's not just girls. It's guys too. This is why I don't like people. This is why I don't like relationships. It's all fake. You need to be alone and come to reality with who you are and become comfortable with that person. Embrace that person. Love that person. Cause, damn, you can't actually love someone until you love you. It's so sad. I don't know how no one sees this themselves.

I'm real with myself. I know that he doesn't make me happy and that he's not the one and that I'm just lonely and horny and he's the most attainable thing there is. Ehh, and that's decent. If he was happy with himself, he'd be better and worth so much more. That's why I try so much with him. I feel bad for him as a person because he has so much potential and it hurts seeing so much gray in a world where colors should blossom. Plus I really just.. hormones. Killing me.

You Might Not Be the One, But You're The One That I Desire

Guys these days. I remember how the game used to be. A guy would do anything to get in your pants. He would lie to you and flatter you, make you think you were the world to him. Maybe, he'd repeat every word to several other girls, as if he rehearsed them in the mirror, but you wouldn't be able to tell seeing as what an amazing actor he was. "Come meet my mother." A real player would be up for it. He could even woo your mother. She'd love him as much as he convinced you to. I don't get it these days. The brutal honesty and cockiness that represents the way in which the guys could care less these days. What's the point if not to get laid? Make me feel like shit? Like I'm a dime a dozen? "Oh, that's really too much to go through."

Fuck bitches.

Je suis libidineux

I'm at one of those lost points in my life again. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I feel all over the place within myself. I feel as if I'll never be stable and I'll never have anything stable. This too shall pass, though. I've just got to remember that, right? Yeah, I'll try.

I should text Joseph about this week. Yesterday I was.. oh goodness. I was pissed off almost all day so I couldn't give a straight answer. I don't even know what we'd do. kldnfdbfbdfhd -.- Hmm, besides.. too fat. Nope. Oh god I can't even YUM

There's a Hatred in Me for You That Shall Never Cease

Somehow I figure everything that goes wrong in my life leads back to you. Your existence irks me, yet who knows where I'd be without you.

You think I'd learn to quit setting myself up for all of these let downs. I guess you could call me insane.

I'm switching my interests.

Hold on Loosely

"Why do you like me?"

Talk about the most annoying question in the world. Well, some strange and twisted part of me is attracted to people with issues and.. welp, you have issues. I feel those are the only type of people I find myself around. That's how I became friends with Morgan and Sabrina and sigh. Maybe it makes me feel needed. Maybe misery loves company, and misery am I. I don't even know.

I just wanna hold you. I hate being so hormonal.

Dear body,
I'm never having kids. No need for a menstrual cycle.

 Yours truly,

  

Jeordin

jnfkjnkfdbgjosephnckjndnck

I began to shake. First on the inside and then I could barely keep myself from falling as the trembling made itself external. I wanted to. I almost did. I was so close. You were within my grasp and I just let you go right between my fingertips.

All that courage I built up. Wasted. Completely wasted. What a chicken.

When I Get Nervous

My heart starts to speed up while my body tenses and my body heat flares. It feels like I can't breathe because I've forgotten how to and as if I'm suffocating. Funny how that happened when I only pictured a scenario of what might happen if I grabbed you in the hallway and kissed you. I want to. I wish I could. I wanna see you over the break. I do. Sigh. Oh, Joe.

I really need to cut back on all the eating I'm doing. It's ridiculous.

Show Me Your Throat

I'm troubled by things that have nothing to do with me. People who have nothing to do with me.. If only it had ever been easy for me to not care about anyone else. I wish that maybe I could live my life right now as if I'm moving in May and nothing here matters. If only I could make that the main focus of all my thoughts and fantasies and dreams. Nothing here could bother me ever again. Or what if I could avoid everything? Out of sight, out of mind. I've managed before. I just.. hate the way things eventually make themselves seen once again. I don't know what to do, and I don't like the natural emotions that flow from me. I'm troubled.

If she gets with Cody, she can expect to see a lot less of me. Even less. I refuse to put up with that motherfucker.

To Touch Something Real

"You're with someone who wants Jeordin?! Who is it?"
The excitement at it being you gave me some sort of.. something. The realization of who you are, what you're doing, and why completely throws me off though. I didn't mean to get my hopes up and forget everything I had already gathered. I sort of apologize to myself for that. I'll just ignore that whole moment and forget it ever happened. I want nothing to do with any guy like you. Nothing personal, not that you would even care if you knew how I felt. I know you're hurt and I hate that I caught you at such a bad time. I don't know why I'm drawn to you. It'd be better if I wasn't. If only something real had a chance. Ha, if only.

 I keep thinking you just don’t know
Trying to run from that, say you’re done with that
On your face girl, it just don’t show
When you’re ready, just say you’re ready
When all the baggage just ain’t as heavy
And the parties over, just don’t forget me
We’ll change the pace and we'll just go slow
You won’t ever have to worry,
You won’t ever have to hide

Pythagorus' Eye

Something new has come to my attention and now I see it everywhere. My grandmother.. I wonder if she or my father would invite me.. I've never been so excited and scared about something like this in my whole entire life.

5 Months Free Rent

I am about to go eat the mess outta some fried chicken.

My little brother gets more action than I do. What is this? -.-

J'ai mal a oiel

Ahhh poop. Today was actually pretty great. I gave Trevaris the damn cd. Stupid sexy self, haha. I took my trends picture. I think I looked decent. -shrug- I did my make up and my hair did right. Finally. This eye make up, I need to take it off. My eyes are starting to hurt. I need to go eat. I'm not hungry. Blah I'm not hungry. Can I just go to sleep now without having to force myself to eat some ramen? That'd be 2lbs gone by tomorrow. Except, I know if I see them gone so quickly I'll start falling back again. I've already convinced myself I need to, but I'm not. I know better.

I hate Yelawolf. I don't see the point in you telling me to listen to this fuckery.

You Shouldn't be Able to Upset Me

I think I capatalized that wrong. Whatever.

So, I spent all day anticipating the trends pictures. Everyone looked awesome and I thought there pictures turned out great. Unfortuantely I completely forgot to get everyone's quote and two people didn't get their pictures taken because a certain pretty boy football player cannot get enough of himself. -.- I would like to say I am proud of my natural asshole that came out...wait that already sounds wrong. I was a complete dick to him. Yet, like I said, I'm proud of myself. Well, ya know, until I texted him later and asked if he wanted me to burn the Drake cd for him since we had a moment and all. That cd is jbcfhdsbvjhdsbv my baby. <3 Anywho, he was gonna come over and get it and I spazzed and got all pretty and this nikkuh had the audacity, whatever. I'm done. I already gave up on that. I just hate when people say they're gonna do something and don't. It drives me nuts. That's why I get so anxious about getting things done when I tell people I will. I even do my best to make sure it's perfect and everything. /rant.

It's okay though. The perfect sky kind of made everything better.

Oh, I began to read Go Ask Alice last night and I kind of freaked out. She was talking about moving and I thought about me moving. I got this fear of being alone. What if I don't make friends? It seems impossible and I keep telling myself that and giving myself examples of newbies who have bunches of friends, but oh god. I'm so nervous. How am I gonna meet people in the summer? I just wanna cry like the wreck I am. I don't really want to be alone. I'd rather be alone by choice rather than just not having any options. 

Putting Off These Readin Responses

Catcher in the Rye got to me. Somewhat in a way that I don't like. Sometimes I realize I shouldn't be the way I am. Yet, this is how I am, who I am, and always will be. It's kind of aggravating in a way. I don't take criticism or suggested improvement well.

"This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind.  The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom.  He just keeps falling and falling.  The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with.  Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with.  So they gave up looking.  They gave it up before they ever really even got started."

You Looked Lonely

I not really sure what I'm doing with myself right now. I guess that means I'm just living.

Down With Curry, Revolution at Central

So, I just had this huge epiphany today. After hearing all the drama between Curry and the two girls he was messing around with, and hearing the whole John Tucker Must Die thing they had going on with him, I realized how dumb it was because that's what boys do. They cheat. That's what girls do, too. It's a people thing in general. By nature we are attracted to each other. Relationships are something we created with "rules" and ideals in mind that go against what we, as animals, were programmed to do. Along with a lot of other girls, I agree that you should already know people are going to cheat on you. If you're dating a big shot football player, of course it's going to happen. I mean, yes, you may think not all guys are the same, but most are. Cheating and lying doesn't even always mean they don't love you or care about you. It's not something to go all out make a big deal about. Just accept it and if you can't deal with it, dump them. Leave that person and leave it at that. He only did the same exact thing the last guy did and what the next guy is also probably gonna do. One day, you might come along someone who sees you as his one and only, and you better keep him. Right now we're young and so are they, we've got so much time and also so little, so why waste it on dumb shit that's not gonna matter to you in a little while? I, myself, am not even gonna get mad at a nigga for cheating on me. I'm not going to get mad at something I can't control or take it personally. He just better know I'm human, too and I'll probably do the same shit. I'm through being an ignorant girl who can't keep a broader perspective of life and what actually goes on in it. It just saves me a lot of heartache and stress and it's the truth anyway. But anywho, with my new way of thinking, I'm gonna take their actions as "He's single," and try to get me some curry ;D I 'm pretty sure I can. Hopefully. -fingers crossed- I'm a terrible person.

Happiness is..

-finishing up yearbook pages that look incredible.
-'fros before hoes. ;)
-smiling at the thought of that special someone.
-seeing people you LIKE at Wal Mart.
- Listening to Drake non stop everyday xD Take Care (Deluxe Edition)
-getting new eyebrow rings.
-secret Santa in English class.
-music.
-wake& bake with an old best friend you've lost touch with.
-tellin' your precal class you're wearing pantyhose under your sweatpants.
-knowing someone who has such a great smile, that it also makes you smile. Even if you're not friends.
-knowing weird facts like how that special girl is named after someone you just found out about yesterday.
-not having any homework.
-making an a on a history test everyone else failed because they're too lazy to read xD
-when your books fall out of your locker onto someone else's head when you're not there and your bestfriend who shares your locker with you tells you about it later. Lmao. Poor girl. That Precal book is heavy.
-when all your books fall out of you're locker and the only person to see is a teacher that starts laughing hysterically. -___-
-calming down after your day is ruined by a douchebag you wanted and decided to randomly start ignoring you, that's beyond sexy, who keeps popping up everywhere, (RDTV, your lunch wave, stays in your lunch wave, on your way to 6th, and waiting at the bottom of the stairs when you're going down) when you never saw them when you were talking to them.
-seeing your dog humping your little brother while in a Santa costume.

If I Was a Boy..

  I always do this to myself. I don't like you. I don't. I most definitely don't. You don't make me happy. You don't make me smile uncontrollably. I don't love talking to you. I don't get all girly those rare times I get to see you and walk up to you and hug you in the hallway. Oops, I'm not being impeccable with my word.

I have been listening to Drake non-stop lately. I'm obsessed. I admit it. I'm like that when it comes to music. I have a favorite for a week or two. I want a Drake shirt. UNF. This cd is so amazing.

Holden

God, don't I know what it feels like to be isolated from the world? Cynical and depressed. There's nothing I know better, actually.

Howell got to me today. I don't like people as a whole, but when it comes to the average person's emotions, as sad individuals, I'm nothing like I come off as or try to: Strong, unmoved, reserved, with a clear head. I can be the world's biggest nurturer and unfortunately incredibly emphatic. It made me so upset to see him with such a look of sadness and disdain on his face, that I could not help but to ask what was wrong so that I may have found some way to comfort him. Regardless the age and position of authority that divides students and teachers, I just couldn't help but seeing him as someone truly close to me at that moment. "Are you okay? Are you stressed? Is it Gifted stuff," I added, trying not to overstep my boundaries, and he said, "I'll show you." He then preceded to pull up a page for a respected cemetery for our countries' protectors and came to a name. Linda. His mother. It breaks my heart and I can't help not to cry. She died in July and he waited this long just to be able to get her buried there, with the full 21 guns ceremony and everything, in Washington. She didn't ask for all that, but he said her last wish was to get out of Salem, Alabama and that's why he did it. That's what tears me apart. He went through so much just to get her there, because of her last wish. It just makes me love him for her.

Reese Cups

I need to quit procrastinating and do my work. UGH.

On the Tip of My Tongue

The reality that I'll be leaving here pretty soon is starting to slowly dawn on me. A change of atmosphere. A disconnection between me and everything I have grown to know and love. I'm not sure whether I'm frightened or excited. I'd never be able to figure it out so I tell myself there's no point in worrying about it because either way it's going to happen. It's crazy... to think I've been fully molded into who I am and will always be, but I'm not even halfway finished. What will happen in the future? Where will I go and who will I be, and be with? Will I find happiness? Will I find religion? What will I do in life? There's so much more to go and it's amazing to think about. All the infinite possibilities. We are infinite.

Rappin' and Bitches

"Hey, tell Connie what you wanna do with your life." -smiles mischievously- "I'm gonna go into the cannabis industry."

I love Fred. I'm glad to have met him. Gives me hope in people.

I love this new Drake cd so much. I sat and listened to him yesterday. Suddenly, I  began to cry. Words of the lonesome stab so hard.

To Give Thanks

"If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want."

Seems I'm always telling myself this.

I'm thankful for Tyrice, Nicole, Jessica, Lucy, Matthew, Ben, Ethan, Morgan, yearbook, people who have bought ads from me, my family, music, clothes, happiness, my blog, my personality, my dog, my shoes, my hair, my eyes, school, words, language, eyesight, technology, America, my house, food, drinks, cannabis, yeah definitely thankful for weed, scientist, colleges, magazines, coffee, Chik Fil A, fast food restaurants, Chinese food, roads, bridges, ways of transportation, books, self help books, boys, girls, love, emotions, radios, history, english, grammar, my hands, my feet, all parts of my body, sex, kissing, cuddling, affection, bad days, good days, etc. I'm just thankful. :)

 My fonts being a dumbass. I give thanks for dumbasses. They give me something to complain about and give me reason to improve my own actions.

To Be Infinitely Happy

That always seems to be the one thing I'm wishing for and always the one thing I'm failing at getting. I have it though, and I'm the only thing keeping me from getting to it. I could be happy if I saw things differently. I tell myself not to take things so personally, not to get upset over small things that don't matter. I tell myself so many things. I give myself so many reasons as to why I shouldn't be down, and yet I still am. I won't listen. There's nothing in me that wants to listen to me. I'm just so damn hard headed. I like him and I want him and I hate that he doesn't want me and that he doesn't text me back and that I don't have any weed and blah blah blah. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. SO FUCKING WHAT So what about everything? Who is he? And is he anymore better? You can't control their actions and who they are and what they do and what they don't, so why care so much? Why not just let it be and be you. I have control of me and my actions and who I am and that's all that matters. That's all I should care about. Me. I have control over my feelings towards the actions of others and that's about it. It is my sole decision how I let them affect me. Sigh, if only I could make better decisions.

Who Loves the Sun

Why not say anything? Why just leave it at that? It bothers me to see you. It's embarrassing to be quite honest. I don't know what to do with myself. Do I look away? It'd be easier if I hadn't lied to myself in the beginning. It was quite obvious and it's my fault I chose not to choose the truth. There's nothing I can do now, though. No reason to blame or judge. I've just got to completely forget it. It's obviously no part of me and wasn't meant to be. I just wish it'd get off my mind already. Sigh.

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not sure how I'm feeling and what road I would like to take from here. I guess I just gotta keep on truckin' on and hope I end up in the right place. Maybe I'll remember not to bother with any of it all because soon I'll be gone and this will be beyond my control. It has no matter anymore. If only now wasn't all I had.

Don't Take Things Personally

Agreement Number Two.




I agree to be impeccable with my word. I agree not to take things personally. I agree not to make assumptions. I agree to do my best. The way I'm doing things isn't exactly working so great. That means a change is in order. A few changes. All of which I have made. I'm happy again. Score 1 for Jeo.

Angus & Julia Stone. :3 I like them.

4th Round of Playoffs

The game last night was amazing :D I'm so proud of our team. I love football. It makes me happy. I'm not going to any school with a shitty football team when I move to Colorado. End of story. I have a headache from screaming so much. I wish my throat was sore and my voice was gone. That would make me so much happier.

I sort of can't wait to move. I'm not wasting anymore of my time on guys here. I give up.

OH SWEET JESUS TRE

That boy gets sexier everyday.

OH GAWD

What am I gonna do if Joseph texts me?

Stupid phone. I hate my life. I'm so irritated right now.

Is It Good to You

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball


I am an absolute shipwreck. I'm the freakin' Titantic for goodness sake.


I wish he liked me because he's sexy and out of my league and a football player and he's gorgeous and UGH, and I refuse to fully like the other him. I can't believe he had the freakin' audacity to OHMYGOSH I just have no faith left in the male population so it's back to being a whore with no emotional ties to these fuckers. I give up again.

Nothing is Real

I see him, and when he doesn't see me, I get upset. I need to quit get so worked up. I need to chill the fuck out. I think I'm going to tell myself I don't like him anymore, that way it isn't as big of a deal. Shoot, I bet he doesn't care, so why should I? Exactly. :) It's gonna be all gravy from here on out.

Daily Horoscope: "You can't avoid disruptions to your routine today -- things just aren't going your way, and there's not much you can do about it. See if you can just keep flexible and adjust to outside influences."

Me all the way:
http://dajuana.com/name-meanings-2/meaning-of-the-letter-j.html