Pineapple Laughing Buddha

Fuck the bullshit. My blog. I can say whatever the fuck I want.

I am a complete and utter mess. I thought I was climbing back on top. You witnessed my blogs, I was happy as fuck. The thing is, my life isn't made that way. It isn't made in order for me to be happy. It gives me free passes every once in ahwile so I'm not tempted to commit suicide but goodness fucking gracious. I can't go one week with being happy every moment of every day. I would hate that, but it would be nice.
-Everything was especially great until I started talking to you. Not even talking talking, just communicating. You ruin my life. I'm staying away from you. Y'know, until you reach for my hand in 4th block tomorrow. Then I'll sigh, pull away, and give in. Then I'll be happy with a side of heartache. Then I'll get all pissy and agitated when I see you walk to your little fucking girlfriend. I deserve to be the main bitch lied to. Do you know how long I had to put up with some seriously fucked up shit just to get thrown to the side once you were single? Scoff. I need to get the fuck over you. You'll probably call me tonight and I'll be over my rampage. I always answer the phone. I'm so damn weak.
-All these freaking guys. They pop out of nowhere, make me happy, and go back to where they came from. Like, Brandon and Chris? They both just went fwoosh! Not to say that I'm not hearing how awesome and attractive I am the moment I send out a frowny face. I mean, where were you when I needed you? If he takes me to Maryland this summer, it will go down in history: the day Jeordin Wiley had sex with...anyways. I really wanna go to Ocean City with him. Wait, hold on, guys. Girls. I have formed a crush on Nugg. And Haley, who I don't find all that important. And Olivia. Dude. Sigh. I can't let myself do that. I'm sitting in the car, zoning out, waiting for her to hold my hand like Tyler does, correction *did, and thinking about us the whole trip there, like SHUT THE FUCK UP JEORDIN! No. It's not even like that. My mind is stupid. Back to guys, Pierre. I mean, what am I doing? I'm not serious about this. Maybe I could be. Sigh. I dunno. I'll try.
-My grades are tragic. What the hell do I look like making c's? What in the hell do I, of all damn people, look like making c's?! It's fucking unacceptable. I don't pay attention in Algebra II. At all. I don't know shit that's going in there. I haven't for a while. It gets unfamiliar, I zone out, I don't zone back in. Health. I come in baked. Sleep time. My driving is okay. That's always fun.
-I look like shit. I don't give a fuck. I don't care about anything. My attitude is extremely apathetic right now. My voice is monotone beyond reason. I sound drugged up and burnt out. Like the chick on Smiley Face. I have yet to see that and I really want to. Like I was saying, I just don't give a damn. I need to. Everybody needs to give a little damn, y'know? Otherwise, life is fucking pointless. I don't want my life to be fucking pointless. Ugh. I want to enjoy it.
-I want somebody. I need somebody. Not a friend. Someone who appreciates me and cares about me and wants me and needs me. I feel alone. I want someone to wrap their arms around me while I sleep. Wail.