I can't take being in the same room as him and not talking to him. Sigh, he doesn't know how I feel towards him. Not these feelings, at least. He told me, he warned me, he let me know. I don't care. I'm not going to stop myself. Fuck it. I hate feelings. I hate being sad. I hate not having the guy I want. No.. I hate having the guy I want sexually, while knowing he wants nothing else from me, but hoping, lying to myself, telling myself over and over that maybe I can change his mind. Like some dumb ass cliche in a movie. I was dumb for it, I admit. Just fucking stupid. I accept that, though. I shouldn't be harsh on myself though. Just move forward without looking back. Mistake learned. Yet, sigh. It hurts. We talked about this. Him having his little "schemes," or girls he talks to. Jealousy definitely isn't cute if you're not even dating the guy.
I'm really upset. I really like him.. liked.. I don't know. I wish I could just give up.
I say mean things when I'm sad.
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