I've Been Eatin (For You)

I'm not a fan of bad thoughts that keep me up all night. Sigh. I just wanna sleep without all of this. I hate the voices.

I'm always happy during the day. It's always the night that gets me. My anxiety just builds and I get stressed by really small things and I sort of freak out. I just get...really mad. I don't know. I have really bad fits of anger, and it takes so long to calm myself down. It doesn't take long, but I'll get over it and start thinking about whatever it is on that particular night 3 seconds later. Then I get all frustrated that I can't sleep because I'm having bad thoughts and then that's where the "voices" come in. I call them voices because I don't feel like it's me to want to die. When I start thinking "I just don't wanna be here anymore," that's when I tell myself it's just voices and I can't pay attention to "them" and then I avoid that all thoughts along those lines.

I had a good day today. I felt pretty again. I was happy. :) I took some pill I found in my wallet and I felt all weird but it was okay. I have no clue what it was. I thought it was just one of my mom's little 10mg pain pills that do absolutely nothing to me. It was crazy. Blah. I have to go poop my dog so yeah, haha.

How do I end up this way
A constant knot in my gut
Tied with uncertainty and with lust
A classic case I suppose
A haunted man who can't out run his ghosts
They're in my skin and my bones

So stay the night
I promise that I won't bite
'Cause without you there
I don't think I could close my eyes

I miss how we were, but I also don't considering how everything was full of poop and lies. I feel stupid sometimes cos I think of good old times and then directly after I think of what was really going on behind my back. Who you are...you aren't a very good person. You never have been, but oh! How do I love thee, let me count the ways..