Yo Ethan

If you're bored enough to actually read my blog...don't. Just saying. My mood swings change as much as I change, hmm can't say underwear cause some of my mood swings last for a few days..SHOES. There we go. I wear a certain pair for a couple of days and get tired of the same thing and change them. That's how my mood swings are and my blog posts from the last week or so are a terrible representation of me. Anger and sadness in my hands account for some fucked up shit being said. I really hate cussing, but I don't feel like I should hate it. -_- Vulgarity makes me cringe. Half the things that I say or do make me cringe.

The key to my heart; In a metaphorical sense, that's what my url is. I live inside of my mind and my writings. I've never told any one person everything. I even keep a lot of shit out of my blog. I'll marry the first person I tell everything. I was gonna talk about myself and shit cause I gave an outsider the key to my heart and my biggest fear is being judged without me being able to explain myself. I don't like being misunderstood or for people to jump to conclusions about things and deem me crazy like the chick we're reading about in English. "She's crazy!" No. She's alone and misunderstood and unlike you, I understand her. I don't know. Fuck this.

I was so happy yesterday. Just to talk to you with nothing wrong between us.. My most confusing thoughts, or at least out of all the one's that actually come to my mind on a regular basis, have to deal with you. It's so..I don't know. I can't be happy without you, but when I have you.. I wouldn't dare say anything that would upset you. Not after my last bitch fit and the devastating week I faced without you in my life.. I've never been much of a crying type of person, but I can't lie and say I didn't cry then. I just hate..I dunno. You didn't feel like this before she came. The change is so noticeable. From the guy who...the guy that came over after the football game to the one who doesn't wanna live anymore. She doesn't make you happy. You're so worried about making her happy, that you haven't even come to terms with that fact. Regardless the bullshit about her being all you want. I'M JUST GONNA SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE IF YOU READ THIS YOU'RE GONNA BE UPSET WITH ME. Fuck everything if that happens again. Just think, though, of how you felt when...think of how you were around me. That guy was happy. I'm not implying it was me, I'm just referring to before she came. I don't even hate her for obvious reasons. I'm just being selfish. Disregard the fact I'm telling the truth.

And you, haha, you just make me curious. Some of the things you say, the questions you ask, I don't know.. I swear you're secretly in love with me. That would be the day. Ahaha. I don't understand why you're so curious about me. Maybe it's because I'm so closed up and secretive that when someone wants to know stuff about me I feel like there's a motive behind it. -shrug- I don't talk about personal stuff in person. I just can't do it. It makes me uncomfortable.

I don't feel like saying much more. Ehh, pineapple juice time.