I get it. I ruined your life and your relationship. It was a while ago. Get over it. If you don't remember, you ruined mine too. I thank you for that. Just go on with your life already, please. I wouldn't mind so much if you didn't get in my business and go use my personal problems to try fuck up other people's lives. Especially when those people are no longer associated with you. Also considering the fact that when you get in other people's shit, you can't even keep the story on the same astral plane that the original, what we normal people know as "truth," started on. I just thought I would like to waste some of my day on you, before I could go on happily.
I think I definitely am okay for good. Besides the fact that she took part in the product of him hating me because she can't accept that he's happy without her, if he can't be okay with me being human, I'm done trying. It's not worth it anymore. -shrug- :) After everything I've been through because of him, after the lies I've told for him, the friendships I've sacrificed for him, the trouble I've gotten in for him, the nights I would stay up just so he could have someone to talk to, the tears I've shed for him, the limitless amount of love, care, and every other emotion my body has ever produced that I've felt for him, and only for him, and let rule me to wits end, regardless the pain I've been in and the insults I've taken from him, if he can't forgive me for being so stressed over him that I just blew up this once, when I've forgiven him more times than the average person should ever forgive someone over way worse things, then fuck it. I love him and always will, but I've given up my share of happiness for him and I refuse to continue to do so. He doesn't care. I'm fine with that. I'm not even mad about it. It's just fine. F-I-N-E I don't mean that word with the opposite meaning or anger attached to it. I mean it sincerely. I'm happy. For one of the first days this week, I'll be okay. I'll be happy. I'll be happy and I'll be there when he needs me. Until then, after this, I'm not gonna stress over it. I'm not stressing over it right now, actually. It's all fried chicken and Kool-aid xD
Speaking of, so many black people leaving that pep rally. I chuckled to myself, because somebody had chicken... or was cooking it for the football players, I guess that makes sense now. Well, anywho, all these black folks was walking in the scorching sun and it smelled like fried chicken and I just thought it was so ironic. I almost died of laughter. Chicken broth. I laughed harder at the thought of me sweating chicken broth, myself.
I love how my music is on shuffle and this song "Never Gonna Give You Up" by the Black Keys comes on. No matter how shitty this girl treats the guy, regardless what his friends say, despite the fact he knows she's been with another guy behind his back, he's saying he's never gonna give her up. Sigh. I'll always feel that way, but there's nothing I know better than forcing bad thoughts to the back of my mind so I can just be happy. I wrongly misplaced my feelings of first love on you, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I don't regret you. Not one bit. You'll be the longest chapter from my teenage years. You'll have a place in my heart years from now when I'm in Cali at college. "
Now that I'm all happy and dandy and done with that, I had quite the interesting day. Wake and bake with Sabrina. First time since Saturday. Beautiful. Funny part, I got called up to the office about weed related shit and they called my mom. She blew up on me. I don't know how in the hell she's gonna be mad at me for weed shit, but whatevs. I have to admit, it was hilarious. I've been smoking since last summer, (like avidly) and she JUST found out. How could she not have known anyways? It's one of my favorite things in this hell hole christened life and I always talk about it. I'm sure she already knew. She just finally got solid proof. Yet, she only knows I used to smoke, past tense. Ahahaha, so I'm somewhat off-ish the hook. Not really, she's pissed, but it's not a big deal to me. :p
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