Tyter/Tighter

I keep getting flashbacks from Saturday afternoon. It was like this the last time that happened. The time that made me go celibate. I hate living in my brain. I hate being torn up on the inside, constantly on the verge of tears whilst you continue on with your happiness. I guess it's finally sinking in. You really don't give a shit about me. I guess it just took me 45 minutes without taking my eyes off of you clearly displaying your fucks not given to come to that conclusion.

I was almost happy today. I felt chipper. I did it to myself. I wanted to see you. I wanted to be in your presence. I just had to. I got my way and it hurt me. More than any damage I can do by myself. My ankles... I just... It's tearing me apart that it's not affecting you at all. If only I had always known that the care I was giving was so much more than the care I was receiving... You don't know how to care about someone. Your level of care is non existent. Your love is non existent. Every feeling of compassion is non existent within you. Sigh. I don't really think that. :\ I know too much about you to believe that.

I miss you so fucking much. Everything would be fine if you didn't hate me. We could be friends and I'd be satisfied just as long as I knew I could talk to you. You keep reading my blog and I don't know if it's because you give a fuck or if it helps your ego. I just know I fucking miss you.