But my intention is not that, but to tell the truth and the whole truth from my point of view, which includes indecent feelings and misconceptions, but ultimately my truth. And I will do so wholly without relenting, because this is MY BLOG, after all. I will not, by any means, be pushed to create another blog solely for myself so I can write about my true feelings, because that is what this is meant for. That's why I created it. If you don't like it, screw off. Be warned, if you plan to confront me about anything I have said, do not come in mind that you will change the way I feel. I expect you to be angry, and once again.. Can't say I don't necessarily care or that I'm sorry, but uh yeah. You seemed to be fishing for a reaction, so here.
How dare you. "Ichk, I don't like the new Jeordin. You should have met her before she changed." May I ask what has changed for the worse exactly? Does it burden you I no longer stick my fingers down the delves of my throat, hunching over the shower drain, emptying every last particle I consumed beforehand? Does it burden you that I no longer cut myself, lashing innocent skin as if punishment for the thoughts it contains, with the preconception that it's really for the ugliness on the outside? Could it be that I seem so much unhappier now, that since I no longer wish to do those things, which resulted as my ambition to keep the demons inside, rather than to do what I do now? Occasionally let them show? Is that it? Or maybe it's because I smoke weed. That's what you don't like. And why is that? The same reason as many uneducated Americans? The fact that you have absolutely no clue about something that you are so against, simply because of the false stigma that has been branded across something so pure and innocent and helpful to millions. That's probably it. I mean, because it's not like alcohol has killed millions whereas marijuana has killed.. how many? Oh, ZERO. Yeah, almost forgot. Along with the fact that so many cures have, and are still, being developed and discovered within one of nature's loveliest gifts. Not to mention, the positive psychological effects, that include.. Hmmm, happiness? An escape healthier and non addictive like hard drugs? The only thing bad about it, is that it's illegal and that's because of bullshit political reasons if you would like to read up for yourself, because my opinion is not biased, but well informed and I'm sure you could find the facts anywhere on the internet. Wait, wait, wait.. I barely even smoke half as much as I did last year, so that couldn't be it. Maybe you're still torn up over what happened with Tyler. I admit, a lot of things did change within me, but only because it released a herd of things, formerly repressed, and it proved a lot of things I was in denial of correct. But that's not what upset you. What upset you was I chose him over you. You hold on to that, don't you? With an iron fist. Well, this is honestly the part where you step the fuck back and look at who's talking. One friendship, I sacrificed to someone I fell in love with, (I admit, stupidly) and I held on to you until YOU let ME go. Loyalty to my friends is something I put above all else. Never again will I dump my friend, especially my best friend, for a relationship. Yet, that is something you have done COUNTLESSLY within the last two years or so. Ask Jessenia. She mentions it every day. I sit back and watch it. You make them your whole world. Every minute you have is consumed by them and their family and every thing else that has to do with them. You make them top dog and your only priority. If Hayden wasn't best friends with Steven.. ha, she'd be as much in the picture as Jessenia, right? I believe that is most likely true. So, please, please, deny that. Make excuses and anything of the sort, but fact is, I'm right. I said it just like your mother, you always dump your friends for your boyfriend and who do you go crawling to in the time that you don't have one? I am not a force to demand a reaction out of. Especially when insulted, and I guarantee you, that you royally pissed me off. I keep quiet and I keep my peace because I know the darkness and the meanness that has a tendency to get out of hand when showed a way out, and it comes in the form of truth with eloquence. A powerful combo. Do not screw with me. Anger is a weakness in my eyes and for me to show it is almost shameful.
I am and have always been myself. Any changes that have ever been made, have been those that only let out what has always existed and has been repressed within me. I am happy with myself and who I am, and unlike several people my age, I have managed to accept that, instead of continuously depending on others to keep my mind off of who exactly that is.
Oh, and my status was about Jessenia, but I was over reacting due to other things.
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