My Lucky Number

It really sucks that I think about you more than I should. Like... fuck. This isn't anything. Some infatuated emotion that isn't real. All these years. It was just as fake as everything with Tyler. I want to realize this. I want to know this. I want to feel this in every atom and neuron in my body. That way I can I forget about you. That way I don't have to miss you. It's not right anymore, now that you have a girlfriend. I swore to myself I'd never covet my neighbors' spouse again. Senior year will come. Someone will come. Once again, my focus will drift from you and I'll be okay again. Life is a series of organized chaos and I know my patterns. Hopefully Number 6 will hurry up. I can't bare this burden for too much longer. I don't miss people. I accept and move forward. That's what I was raised to do, but not with you. Sigh. Whatever. I'm sure this feeling is as fake as it was before. No worries