I Don't Want to Forgive You

I had another dream about fuck face. The other night, he came up my stairs trying to come into my house. I told him to go away and he just laughed in my face and told me to to move. So I pushed him down the stairs. Last night, he was in my room with some girl. He laid on my bed and near me and the whole time I was just like I fucking hate you, get the fuck off of me. I could feel it. That hatred was so real. It's a shame. I was talking to the girl and I was telling her not to fall for his tricks. This part is weird. I told her a lot of the stuff he had done to me. My subconscious named several events. Like wtf. Anyhow, listening to myself, I felt like a sucker for falling before. He listened and began to get annoyed, because he didn't want the girl knowing, but I was determined. Wow "He tries to play all sweet and innocent, but it's just a lie. He's hurt me continuously since I was a FRESHMAN. That's 3 years," and for some stupid ass reason he started crying and left. I threw everything in that room at him and at the end I knew he'd find a way to come back and fuck my life up again so I kept yelling at him to make sure he got his shoes and asked the girl to write a letter confirming he'd gotten them so he wouldn't come back or say I had them. I don't even know. I prefer to think about Ethan. This is bullshit. Maybe I should forgive him so I don't have that connection of hatred. I can't though. Fuck that bitch. The dreams will stop and I won't ever have to worry about him again. Smiley face (: