My Lesbian Rampage

Failed another test in precalc. Just wonderful. Simply wonderful. This lack of perfection, this failure, is excruciating and depressing. Failing a class is almost the end of the world to me. I just have to keep reminding myself I'm going to take an easy math next year a transfer that onto my transcript for college. So I have nothing to worry about.
I'm not sure if Shellhouse has sent my yearbook yet, but I'm hoping Ethan and Ben got to sign it. More specifically, Ethan. In a literal sense, it's just a book. Metaphorically, it's the only thing I have to tie me back to what was. My adolescent life is engraved into that book and woven throughout its binding. Everyone that I was once connected to is in that book. Old flames, friends, foes are all included there. The signatures are even more important because, whereas the pictures are all still and lifeless, placed accordingly by the yearbook staff, the words are direct and sincere. Well, the ones I care about should be. Some tiny little part of me just hopes he signed something sincere that I can cherish and jfnhdnhgfwrhgruwhgrhgurh;euhe;h

I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING I'M JUST DONE. It's not worth it, it's silly, and full of pathetic school girl fantasies that are both irrelevant and insignificant.
I'm just gonna go get high because I'm tired of this. I'm depressed, lonely, irritated, stressed beyond all belief. I don't have anyone to hug when I feel like this. I can't just fucking go out with my friends and forget about everything because I have none. Everything I have ever come to love, hate, and feel any emotion for was ripped from me and now has absolutely no meaning. It could have meaning, but why the fuck should I let it? I can never change or have any of that back. Not Ethan not Sabrina not Jessica not Morgan not Mrs. Byrd not our amazing football team not RDTV not Lacey not Lena not Gallery not downtown nothing fucking nothing. WHY AM I SUCH A HYPOCRITE "I wanna go some place where no one knows my name or my history" FUCK YOU JEORDIN. Thanks for ruining my life, you dumb cunt. Because not everything you wish for actually happens, right? Fucking idiot.

I hate periods and stress and sobriety. They can all go to hell