I'm Travellin'

Lately, I've been living through my daydreams of the future and what's to come. In the future, I'll probably be doing the same. I need to rejoice in all that is now, but I'm not sure how. Much doesn't seem to be happening now, to be quite honest. There is a boy who calls for my company, but I've raised myself above bargaining my worth for 5 minutes of his day, the absence of anything real making itself present the way a silence seems so loud. I refuse to lie to myself the way I have before, promising something solid will eventually come later, because truthfully, I know it never does. I refuse to lie to myself the way I have before, promising that I don't care, because truthfully... I know I do, and that the hurt will echo within the caverns of my heart for what feels like an eternity. If I settle for less, I will lose more in the end. I will lose my hope as I have before, and I don't deserve to take that away when it took so long to regain. I will just have to wait for something better. It's going to be hard, but I have faith that I have the strength. If I have love for myself, than I will do what is best for myself. Sigh. It'll be okay. I'll be okay. The time will come and I'm going to continue to rejoice in the daydreams of that time until I find a way to rejoice in what is now.