Free Mid

 Thing is.. it's not even like that. It's not like I just sleep around with random fuckers and go on with my business. I loved Tyler for 2 years. I lied for him and did things that my normal self wouldn't even approve. Farthest thing from some casual hookup, to me at least. I wish I could take it all back. And Brandon? We were best friends for the longest. I told him everything and he did the same. I would take that back too if I could. In fact, the day after I was with him, I chose not to have sex again because I knew better. All of them are the same and they're all ridiculous liars and cheaters and there's no point selling out and losing my dignity over them. I like Joseph. A lot. I really do. Yeah, I.. I dunno. It was stupid of me maybe to give in like that. I mean, I went 6-7 months "celibate." Agonizing months of pure torture and then this amazing sweet talking guy that sits behind me in my 2nd period messaged me on facebook while I was out of state for my birthday and he made me laugh and he's so honest and deep and I can't help but care about him in a way that I hate. I did before I even liked him. I mean.. he's just real and I figured I could change his mind. Which I didn't and I haven't and god knows I may never. Especially now. I don't even want to talk to him because I'm so embarrassed that I was made out to be some fucking village bicycle that everyone gets a ride on. I'm really just aggravated and fucking raging to myself. I can't handle something like this right now. I've been sober for 2 or 3 days straight, I'm on my period, it's Friday the fucking 13th, I'm just tripping balls. Along with the fact that Joseph is the only thing I've been able to think about since my fucking birthday back in October. Ugh I fucking hate this and this is my blog and I'm venting and I don't give a fuck about anything else. Blah